So, the moment has come! You are now very close to writing your own personal statement example - the paper that has pretty good chances to be framed on a wall. To improve your chances of success, let’s look through these best and worst examples of college essays and see what the experts’ comments on them are.
College Application Essay Example 1: Tips and Critique
The mistake ranking number 1 in a top of most common applicants’ errors is the use of too much self-promotion and even obvious lies. Here is an awful admission essay sample illustrating this mistake:
From my early childhood, everyone was sure that I would become an outstanding doctor. My first word was “scalpel” and my Mom is still offended by this, even now.
Dissecting frogs and curing homeless kittens were my favorite games. Biology has been my passion starting with the first lesson at school. I truly enjoyed reading biology textbooks, doing extra assignments and even reading encyclopedia articles in my free time. I am grateful to my Biology teacher who inspired me and shared not only her profound knowledge, but also her strong passion for the subject. I suppose, I could make a difference in this field through important discoveries in modern Medicine…
- You should avoid using too strong words, such as “outstanding”, “perfect” or “best of the best”.
- Nobody will believe that a kid’s first word can be “scalpel”. This obvious lie will have a clear, negative effect upon the committee. The entire excerpt does not sound sincere at all.
- Dissecting frogs sounds too cruel! Avoid using such negative examples.
- “To make a difference” is one of the most common clichés in application essays – and it should be avoided by all means.
College Application Essay Example 2: Tips and Critique
The mistake ranking number 2 in the top of errors in college application essay examples is the use of clichés and banalities.
I dreamt of becoming a lawyer since my early childhood. I am pretty sure that my personal qualities and skills make me a very good candidate for law college.
Reading law journals has been my hobby for a couple of recent years. This is why I have some basic knowledge in the field and look forward to the beginning of my study at the law school for deepening it. I am ready to overcome difficulties, because I already overcame lots of them in my life. The death of my grandmother in 2003 was a serious psychological trauma to me. It took me several years to overcome this stress, because I was deeply bound to my granny…
- The first sentence is almost empty, because most of the applicants consider the inclusion of this sentence in their applications as their moral obligation.
- The second sentence is too general. Mentioning which exact qualities and skills make you a good candidate is a must for writing a good application paper.
- Telling a sad story (about death in the family) and adding drama to the paper is a common cliché that should be avoided. Demanding the sympathy of the admission committee is the worst strategy ever.
Meet the College Application Essay Example 3: The Best One
Now that you already understand what errors should be avoided in your personal statements, you may wonder what secrets will help you write a winning admission essay. These are the professional tips for writing quality application essays:
- Make it original and tell your own story. Try to be as sincere as possible.
- Show your enthusiasm about applying to this specific college. Do your homework and write different applications for different institutions.
- Offer evidence to show what makes you a good candidate. Do not tell this directly, but include strong arguments, so that the committee can make conclusions on their own.
Finally, here is a good example of a college essay for you:
Florence Nightingale, one of the most prominent nurses of all times, said: “Nursing is an art: and if it is to be made an art, it requires an exclusive devotion as hard a preparation, as any painter’s or sculptor’s work”. Even though nursing practice as I have seen it during my volunteering in Cambodia could hardly be associated with an art form, I agree that it requires an enormous amount of professional and psychological training. Becoming a good nurse takes tens of years.
All the tragedies I have seen in this poorest country and the heroism of doctors and nurses who were doing everything humanly possible to heal the patients’ bodies and souls, made me convinced that I should become a certified nurse. Even though it would be only my first step to becoming a truly good specialist, I cannot imagine my life working in any other field…
- Using a relevant quote is a classical formula for beginning an essay and it can help to get the attention of the committee.
- Mentioning relevant experiences is a must. However, if you do not have them, you should not fabricate them.
- The author shares personal impressions and uses strong words to express them (poorest country, tragedies, everything humanly possible).
- The author shows that s/he understands the hardships of this profession and is rather realistic about his/her choice.
So, now you are prepared for writing your own college application essay examples. Follow these tips, consider the expert comments and believe in your success.